Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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