He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Pooping to opera.
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