just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize