I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
