What a fucking waste of an outfit
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
