I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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