there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize