apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
