Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
