is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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