you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
