Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize