so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
