I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we're making bets on your personal life
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
