I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
