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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
