there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
