I cannot find my penis.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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