Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
