Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
