My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
