My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
