high people should be assigned attendants
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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