3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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