Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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