can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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