there was a trapeze. enough said
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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