you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
