Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
