It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
