Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
