Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
