no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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