Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
