I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize