accomplished twins. life is a go
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
