Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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