i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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