went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
