I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
