Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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