Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
