I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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