Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
