I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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