You're my little dorito
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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