turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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