I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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