there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
