summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
