HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize