I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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