i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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