4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
