Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We named our party play list daddy issues
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize