Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize