you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
