I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
