Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
