She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
