the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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