i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
