you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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