True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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