Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
