We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize