I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just pee around me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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