he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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