maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
