she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
