Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize