R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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