rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize