i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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