Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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