My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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