I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
