She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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