I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
