The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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