i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
